Sharing My Heart on This Day

This day is dedicated as the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day to recognize the million babies lost through miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death each year. I know this blog is about weight loss, but it’s also a place for me to share my feelings and life experiences. I have people tell me all the time how lucky I am to have seven beautiful children, and I agree 100 percent. I am blessed beyond measure.

However, within all that joy, there have been tragedies. As some of you know, I had three of my children before I lost weight. When I got to my goal weight in 1998, I had  three children, aged 7, 4 and 1.

In 1999, I got pregnant twice and both times lost the babies at 7 weeks. Those were dark months for me, as I wanted both the babies very much. I remember worrying that my weight loss was bad for my fertility as I had never miscarried before. My doctor assured me that if anything, being at a healthy weight was good for pregnancies. I was skeptical, but I didn’t gain weight to test my flawed theory.

Fortunately, I was able to have more children in 2000, 2002 and 2005. In 2006, I miscarried again – this time at 8 weeks. John and I were so sad, and felt great joy when we got pregnant and had our last son in 2007.

Finally, we got pregnant again last year and I carried the baby for 16.5 weeks. Our baby, Joshua, lost his heartbeat when I was four and a half months pregnant this past March. (Update: Since this post was published I had three more miscarriages.)

So on this day, October 15th, I wanted to publicly remember the babies I lost, and ask you to remember babies that you, friends or family members have lost. Miscarriage, stillbirth and perinatal death are not talked about a lot, but each has the potential to profoundly affect every person involved. Consider lighting a candle with me at 7:00 tonight to remember those who are no longer with us.

Thank you for letting me shareDiane

42 thoughts on “Sharing My Heart on This Day

  1. Mbini says:

    wow Diane, thats something. My two sisters also miscarried. Its a sad loss. But they are so blessed to have 2 and 3 boys now. Its painful but it passes.

  2. Marisa @Loser for Life says:

    So sorry for your losses, Diane. Having had 5 miscarriages myself, I can understand those dark moments. I came out of those moments trying not to think of what could have been, but to think how truly blessed I am to have what I have.

  3. Susan says:

    So very sorry for your losses. Every year on Feb 19th I remember the baby I miscarried at 9 weeks. This happened back in 1990 and I still remember to this day. I got counseling to help deal with the grief and to move on but you never forget.
    Your in my prayers today..

  4. Michelle Hunt says:

    So sorry for your loss Dianne. I had a stillborn baby and it has taken me years to overcome the sadness. I feel your pain. And I will be lighting a candle with you tonight for the baby I held in my arms for just a little while.

  5. Julia says:

    I feel your loss, until I had my miscarriage in 1997 and talked about it I didn’t know how many people have misses as it is so seldom talked about.
    I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and it is God’s way of dealing with things.

    (Hugs)

  6. jessey says:

    I am so sorry for your losses. They are so hard.

    My mom has 6 miscarriages, so I was so worried to get pregnant, especially since I didn’t get married until 35. Luckily we got pregnant on the 3rd month and had a wonderful daughter in 2006. We got pregnant on the first month in 2007. We had seen the heartbeat via u/s twice, but they were low-tech u/s and on the 3rd one at 13 weeks they detected an issue. When we went in to have a test, I had miscarried. It was so hard. But thankfully we got pregnant right away once we were emotionally ready to try again.

  7. Jules - Big Girl Bombshell says:

    Diane…I am so proud of you for sharing this…Whenever I get to a point of something too painful to talk about, I remember a lot of our conversations around the same time last year when you were helping me so much…giving of yourself when you were going through this…We are only as sick as our secrets! You are a pillar of strength in more ways than one..AND THAT is why I love u and admire u and keep coming back….It’s real life here AND THAT is WHAT weight loss and changing our lifestyle is all about!

    xoxo AND lots of HUGS!

  8. Stacy says:

    Diane, I am so sorry for the losses of your babies. I know many women who have had them, as well. It doesn’t seem to be spoken of very often, in fact, I remember before I had kids of not knowing how often it occured. Then I heard about it from my girlfriends and co-workers. Then I was a bit scared in my pregnancies, knowing that it just “happens”.

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

  9. Jane says:

    Thank you for sharing the personal story of your losses. As Stacy said in her comment, “It doesn’t seem to be spoken of very often…” And because of that, I think many women bear their sadness and loss quietly and alone. That in itself is so sad–and unnecessary. I am sorry for your losses and bless you for helping us to honor and remember… My candle will be lit tonight.

  10. Desert Agave says:

    I’m so sorry for your losses Diane. I too have experienced the sadness of miscarriage. I never knew how many women it happened to until I had one myself. You’re right; people don’t tend to talk about it. I think taking time tonight to remember and mourn is a powerful and good idea.

  11. Diane says:

    Hugs on your lost little ones ! I will join you this evening in memory of my first son who was stillborn and the 4 others I lost after my living son. Infant loss is often the elephant in the room, and it should not be. 25 percent of all human conceptions are lost through miscarriage, and most within the first 6 weeks. Odds are that one in 4 women will experience infant loss in her lifetime, and it should NEVER be something that one is ashamed of, made to feel crazy for experiencing grief over or something that one should be made to feel that they must “get over”. One of the cruelest things a person can say is “well at least you can have more”, for it devalues the life that was lost- the life that passes without a name, a headstone, or even the awareness of it’s existence by anyone but the mother

  12. Louise says:

    Thanks for sharing this. I lost one at 16 weeks (about 4 months ago) and another one at 7 weeks (about 3 weeks ago)–this after doing fertility treatments to get pregnant. I take comfort that God is in control. You sharing your experience is such an encouragement–more woman absolutely have to talk about this.

  13. shauna says:

    I’ll be thinking of you Diane, and the many people I know who’ve been through the same thing. It has been truly heartbreaking for them and like you say, so often is not spoken about. xxox

  14. Pam says:

    I love you Diane. I wish we didn’t share this bond, but I have thanked God that I had you to talk to when I had my loss this year. I’ll be thinking of your babies when I light a candle for mine tonight.

  15. Laura Miller says:

    Oh, Diane that was beautiful and brought back many memories. I miscarried 4 times and each one broke my heart. It took me 5 years to have William and I had 1 miscarriage before I had him. Then it took another 5 years for me to have Sarah and I suffered 3 more miscarriages during that time. After going through all of that I felt I couldn’t do it anymore and was just going to be thankful for what I had. But God had other plans and Libba was born the day before my 42nd birthday!! Much sorrow and much joy during all those years! Thanks for letting me share that. I will be lighting a candle tonight at 7.

  16. Michelle says:

    I am so sorry for the many losses you’ve experienced.
    I’ve only experienced one but it shook my world up in a way that I never thought possible.
    We lost our daughter at 20 weeks gestation–she was born alive but didn’t survive for long. I labored with her all day on September 11, 2001 but thankfully she was born after midnight so her birthday was September 12th. At first, it was hard to separate the pain that our entire country was experiencing from the pain that I was feeling. Our older children were nearly 13 and 10 at the time, but I was so very thankful to have them to come home to.
    Our daughter’s name was Hope. Just three months after our loss, we discovered we were expecting again. It was not an easy pregnancy–I was monitored very closely and was put on meds and bedrest at 30 weeks when I went into premature labor again. Thankfully I was able to carry that baby until 36 weeks and only had to stay in the hospital 2 days. This time I didn’t come home with empty arms—her name is Joy because God restored my joy.
    I too will be lighting a rememberance candle–remembering our Hope and remembering all the other mom’s and dad’s who have experienced miscarriage and stillbirth.
    Thank you for sharing your story — and for allowing the rest of us to share ours.

  17. erin says:

    Diane, thank you so much for sharing this. I have several friends who have gone through this, and until they did I had no idea how often it happens. I think it is so good for others to know they are not alone.

  18. Carolyn says:

    Thank-you for sharing. I too am a mom of many (I have 8) that has dealt with miscarriages (5). Not much really to say. Hugs to you on this day of remembrance.

  19. MamaBearJune says:

    I had a miscarriage in 1986, it was my first baby. I can’t imagine going through that more than once, so my heart hurts for you. I firmly believe we’ll get to see our babies in eternity. Praying for comfort for all parents with empty arms and aching hearts.

  20. size10inprogress says:

    I’m so sorry for all your loss and pain, I thank you and appreciate you for sharing this with us. I will be sharing with my daughter who suffered a severe miscarriage about 1.5 years ago. She almost loss her life in the process, she needed a blood transfusion and two D and C’s because the doctors at the first hospital didn’t do it completely and she was also experiencing tachycardia of the heart. This was her first pregnancy and it was devestating for her, and she cried about her loss today. And as the other reader said you eventually get past the loss, I think it’s impossible I beleive the person who suffers the loss gets stronger over time but the pain of the loss remains. There isn’t much I can say or do to help heal her pain but let her know others understand and it wasn’t her fault and nothings wrong with her body. And talk with her about it when she brings it up, which she did so I told her about this article and this day of observance which is a perfect Ideal so thank you so much Diane for such and ideal. Life goes on but it’s hard when you’ve lost a life, baby showers, other peoples babies or other pregnant people stir my daughters heart almost everytime she sees them. I’m praying eventually when she has a baby her pain will be less, but after reading what Diane has wrote I’m not sure about that. Peace and blessing to all.

  21. Fran says:

    Sorry for your losses Diane and beautiful that you share this with us in your remembering them.

    I never have been pregnant but my Mom lost three babies between the birth of me and my sister, one of the babies was a dead born baby boy. Otherwise I would have had a brother instead of a sister.

  22. Tami says:

    I am sorry for all of your losses Diane. I too experienced this type of loss at 12 weeks. It was a terrible thing to go through. I eventually was able to have two healthy children and I too feel blessed.

    Thanks for writing such an important post!

  23. Miz says:

    Ive been traveling so Im late to this post, but wanted to thank you for sharing.
    I know so many women who are in your same shoes and when you use this vast platform you are voicing what they can not.

    xo xo

  24. Dea says:

    Thanks for sharing – I totally didn’t know about Oct. 15. I lost a baby last October at about 7 weeks – it was so sad. As Halloween approaches, I’ve thought about that baby a lot. I’m expecting another baby in November and am so grateful for the little one inside kicking my ribs, but a new baby never replaces the one you lost.

  25. KatieMomto8boys says:

    Diane,
    Thank you for sharing about your little lives.
    We lost one at 7 wks, and my boys usually include them in the ‘count’ of babies. It is so sweet.
    We named our baby and our church even does a yearly memorial service for all pre-born and newborn losses. It is a great gift to those who have lost babies to be able to grieve with others over their losses.
    There is a wonderful movement called “Perinatal Hospice” which I would like people to know about. My friend has one here in Washtenaw County, MI. She helps people to embrace the short lives of babies who will not survive outside of the womb. Here is the national website:
    http://perinatalhospice.org/
    Your blog is a blessing to me. Though I am not morbidly obese, I struggle with self-control and food. I do have weight to lose (20 lbs or so), and I love the encouragement you offer.
    Thanks for touching on so many meaningful topics!
    Katie

  26. Lara (Thinspired) says:

    Oh Diane, I am so heartbroken reading this. Hugs to you and I know by posting this, you are helping many women going through or who have gone through similar experiences. Your family is beautiful.

  27. Hope says:

    Diane, I’m so sorry for your losses. The closet person that I’ve ever lost is my grandfather, and that pain more than likely pales in comparison to losing a child.

    Even though I’m commenting late, just know that my thoughts and prayers are with your family in this time.

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