Divorce, Relationship Problems, and Weight Loss

I talked last week about the fact that I didn’t feel as though I was losing things while I went from over 300 pounds to about 147 pounds, rather I felt as though I was gaining health, fitness, and improving my self-esteem.

In the midst of all the good things that happened there were some unfortunate consequences, or “fall-out” from my weight loss success. There was the loss of my best friend of over 10 years. Our relationship didn’t survive my weight loss success. She said mean things to me so often that I finally believed she didn’t want to be my friend at all. There were times where I felt isolated in social situations where fattening food was all that was offered. When I refused to eat any goopy cake or store bought cookies my friends sometimes made fun of me or mocked me. (All in the name of “teasing.)

Even my sweet husband was confused at first when I insisted on exercising every day. It took him some time to realize that I wasn’t taking any time away from the family, but rather was able to give more time and energy to the family because I felt so much better about myself.

I read an article in Social Work Today that indicated that many people have problems with their life relationships after losing a substantial amount of weight, including a higher divorce rate.

It made me think about the people I know who have lost weight and made me very glad that John and I did not have marriage issues after I lost 150 pounds.

Reading that article gave me an interest to explore this further, and who better to ask their experiences then all of you blogging friends.

I have known quite a few people who have lost a substantial amount of weight. Some have had struggles in their relationships and some haven’t. I thought about some of the reasons why relationships may struggle when someone drastically changes their appearance and lifestyle. The two words that came into my mind were expectations and insecurity.

Expectations that a relationship will always continue in a certain manner, including appearance, habits, and life goals.

Insecurity that comes about after those expectations aren’t met.

As you travel this journey have you given any thought to your relationships? My hope for you is that your relationships, both friendships and more, will survive your journey to health unscathed and stronger.

Any thoughts on why relationships can change after weight loss and can anything be done to help save the relationship?  Diane

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51 thoughts on “Divorce, Relationship Problems, and Weight Loss

  1. Deniz says:

    I’m afraid that I’m a vet when it comes to failed marriages but, in my experience, fat or thin has no bearing on the strength (or otherwise) of a marriage. If there are problems beforehand (e.g. as you mentioned, expectations and insecurities amongst them) then the cracks upon losing significant weight may widen. But that says most about the shaky footings of a marriage rather than the weight change as far as I can see.

    This time around I am very, very lucky to have a lovely hubby who is supportive and sensible and true and wise. At other periods in my life this rosy picture wasn’t the same and I’m guessing that a drastic change in my appearance and habits probably would have increased the pressure on what were already pretty insecure relationships to begin with. I also think that friendships (or what we may think of as ‘friendships’ at the time) can be affected in similar ways.

    Sad, but probably not avoidable as it does take two to tango!

  2. blackhuff says:

    I too have and still wonder, why relationships break off due to a major weight loss of one person. You have a point regarding why you think relationships don’t hold up when one party have lost that significant amount of weight.
    In my personal experience, I must say that my husband have been so understanding with me and my journey. From eating healthy foods (he sometimes don’t like) to the fact that I take time to exercise even when he thinks I should take an extra day of rest. I think that is what our marriage have been holding up for 10 years now, that we both compromise and understand. And the fact that people do change when they get older, one should be able to adapt to the other person no matter what. I have changed with my weight loss (eating and training) and my hubby have adapt.

  3. Sharon says:

    Yes, I think relationships do change. I also think it can be a two-way street where sometimes it becomes up to us (the one who CHANGED) to know when it’s time to simply let go. I’m really talking about friendships here as like you, my hubs has always been 100% on board no matter what and I consider myself so lucky. But other friendships, not so much! There comes a time when I’m no longer willing to listen to the sarcastic remarks about exercise, eating, new daily routines, etc., and just admit that those persons may no longer be able (or willing) to work within the boundaries of who I’ve become. But always done in a compassionate way because again, I’M the one who changed. They may be just as bewildered as I am about the relationship – it just comes out differently.

  4. vickie says:

    Most all of my friends changed, not because they walked away from me, but because I realized we were in a enabling and codependency cycle, and I let my time with them slip away slowly and undramatically. In many of these (terminated) relationships. I was the fat one or the one who spent too much or ate out too much or was willing to spend hours on the phone (eating them whole time and griping) and the whole relationship was based on them sort of keeping me in those rolls. It wasn’t always food, some really pushed me to spend too much money and time on quilting. That was a second addiction of mine. And I gave it up as I changed my life for the better. I have recently gone back to a couple of these friends, on very different terms, and it is going okay. Several of these friends I have continued to stay away. It happened so slowly and their lives were changing too, that I am not sure they would associate with my losing weight. Almost everything in my life changed when I realized what I had to change (on the inside and also my actions to balance with that) to be one of the 10% instead of one of the 90%.

  5. Emergefit says:

    I remember commenting here a couple of years back that every weight loss story I was a associated with, losing 50 pounds or more and keeping it off in excess of a year, ended in a failed marriage or relationship — every single one.

    When I read the subsequent comments on your blog after my comment, they were all inconsistent with my observation and experience. People wrote of undying support and happiness. I found that surprising to say the least. Since then, I have seen this happen several times again. What struck me most about the blog comments on yours and other blogs where I shared the same observation, is that people are either in denial, or just don’t see it.

    Give a middle aged man or woman a new body with a relative suddenness, and things will change regardless of their intentions because they are just not prepared for it.

    Thank you for sharing this article — very nice!

    • Caron says:

      I have a thought on this. I’ve seen both men and women who were having affairs drastically change their looks. They almost always lost weight but they made other changes too like wearing better clothes and changing their hair. Perhaps you have observed people already in the throes of a marriage disintegrating who are trying to look better for their “other” partner. Maybe?

    • Taryl says:

      Correlation doesn’t equal causation, nor does the chain flow equally in both directions. Though affairs often have the symptom of one or both members undergoing a drastic change in appearance, not all those drastically changing their appearance are having or seeking to have an affair. It’s a logical fallacy to conclude so, as weight loss in and of itself has no tie to infidelity, though infidelity can be associated with some of the possible side effects caused by weight loss (changing habits, less behaviors in common, insecurity or an increase in confidence, etc).

      I think it depends on who you’re looking at, as well. Most of the people I know who have lost large amounts of weight and kept it off have NOT divorced, but I associate in person and online with a group of religiously, socially, and personally conservative people who place fidelity in marriage among the top three things to which they dedicate their lives. My group has a rate of divorce far lower than the statistical norm for the age and socioeconomic spread, because the values of the group are skewed strongly against dissolving unions or entering them with anything less than permanence in mind.

      Just a few thoughts as to why you have seen these discrepancies 😉

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      Roy – Yes I remember that comment from a few years ago and the subsequent ones. I think your experience of seeing changes in relationships should be taken seriously because this is your field and you see more weight-loss people in a year than most of us do. I too have seen relationships lost after bodily changes take place in one spouse over and over again.

      I wonder if preparation in terms of counseling or just opening up the discussion about how these changes will impact a marriage/serious relationship would help or if the weight loss just opens up issues that were previously stuffed down.

  6. Christe @ Path to The Half says:

    Oooo! interesting topic! I think the more open you are about your goals and your “why” the more success you will have in maintaining friendships and your marriage throughout the changes you experience. I am just 1/4 of the way to my weight loss goal, and every once in a while I still have a comment by my sweet husband about “why don’t you eat like a regular person?” sometimes it is hard/frustrating for him to understand that I am eating like a “regular” person now, for the last 15 years we have been together I wasn’t eating “normal”. Also if you can bring someone close to you with you on your journey, your husband or friend, help them adopt a healthier lifestyle I think they will have a better understanding.

  7. E. Jane says:

    I have seen this many times and experienced it as well. Frienshiips often seemed to be based on having something in common with others, such as an activity (bridge, quilting, eating, cooking, baking etc.) When that equation changes, often the friendships do not survive, unfortunately–or perhaps fortunately–depending on the situation.. A large weight loss is often threatening to others, even if they don’t think of it in those terms. When that happens there is often a lot of passive aggressive behavior, based on the friend becoming jealous and probably fearful. Sabotage, as you described, can happen. It’s hard to give up a past friendship, but sometimes there’s no choice. Some of the same things can happen in a marriage. Having a suddenly thin husband or wife can be very threatening!

  8. Jody - Fit at 54 says:

    I so agree that weight loss CAN change a relationship! We see it all the time when couples may eat together & then one loses but the other not.. well, it can be hard. And with friends too Diane – we tend to hang with people like us so many can’t handle a weight loss from a friend – jealousy sometimes…. sabotage can play…

    If people are not supporting the health efforts, the friends or lovers or whatever it is have to work to make it right or it may just not ever happen…. very as sometimes!

  9. Robbie-Lynn says:

    I have to say that I my own personal journey it has been hard. My husband has been super supportive and has even lost with me. I have changed a lot though. I have lost 130 pounds and maintained it now for 6 months. I am different and my view of who I am and who my husband is has changed as well. That said our marriage is stronger that ever. That was a choice though, we sought help and counsel as we wade through this new phase in life. I used to feel helpless and unworthy of love when I was very overweight, now I feel powerful and feel better about myself. My husband used to be a hero just for showing up now I expect more of him. It has been though but I am so thankful that he and I have walked to path together. What really helped us is that we both took up running and we love to have something to do that is outside of our family duties.

    I love your blog, it has encouraged me. I too am a mom of 7.

  10. jeanette says:

    So thankful my hubby loved and doted on me when I was heavier and out of shape….just like he loves and dotes on me now at a “normal” size and healthy! He loves me wherever I am and I am so blessed!

  11. Yum Yucky says:

    My husband is going through this now. He’s began to make small changes and its not going over too well with his friends, one of them which was just diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes. That friend refuses to change and doesn’t like my husband being honest with him about the bad food choices the friend continues to make. It’s funny that my hubs used to tease me and borderline criticize my fitness endeavors, but now he wants in on it. 😉

  12. me says:

    I will admit that this scares me! My darling and I have already discussed it even. I have a close friend who lost a lot of weight and now is struggling in marriage. We have had nineteen years of wedded bliss, and while I don’t expect that to change, I’m not lettin’ my guard down!

  13. KCLAnderson (Karen) says:

    I think there are many variables at play: how strong is the relationship at its core? what is the relationship based on? is there mutual respect (no matter how much or how little someone weighs)? has communication open and honest from the beginning?

    My husband admits that he was a little worried when I lost weight…he once asked me if I would leave him, but at the core of our relationship is a deep commitment and we’re both pretty good at working on our “stuff.” He married me “fat” and I gained about 40 pounds after we were married, over the course of several years. I lost it and more and our already strong marriage got stronger. If anything I’d say that my insecurities about who I was were more of a “danger” to our relationship than the actual weight…and the weight was a symptom of my insecurity. Working on myself (not just to lose weight but to become a more confident person overall) has improved our marriage. It has improved almost all of my relationships.

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      My husband used to ask me the same thing! I always said “No, of course not” and I meant it. There are many variables when it comes to the marital relationship and an extreme change by either spouse often brings unspoken or unresolved issues to the surface.

  14. Trece says:

    This topic has been weighing heavily onmy mind. My almost 35-year old marriage is crappy. I stay because I have no money to leave. At 60, I’ve been out of the workforce for 30 years, and no one is looking to hire a super-morbidly obese woman with few “marketable” skills, especially in this economy.
    My father died in December, and I am hoping that there will be enough money to make a change.

    There have been problems in the marriage since day one. Now I see so many women my age who’ve stopped accepting and settling for relationships that are not fulfilling or supportive. My husband has never denigrated me for my size. He has also put on weigh in the past few years. We stopped being intimate 3 years ago at my request – I was tired of not getting anything out of it, if you get my drift.

    We have tried counselling, many years ago. The counsellors were lousy and things never changed. At this point, he has decided that he is who he is and he’s not changing for anybody.

    I used to tell him that I was going to “lose weight, be terrific and leave him”. I see now that I should have. I just need to decide if I really will, now.

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      Trece,

      Thank you for sharing. You hit on so many important points and I know other readers will relate to your story. I’d encourage you to lose weight for you and not for anyone else. I know that is easier said than done, but the truth is that this journey is about you and your needs. {hugs}

  15. Hanlie says:

    My weight has definitely had an effect on my marriage. As I got fatter, my husband found me less and less desirable and I felt rejected as a woman. I do think that as I lose weight, he will find me attractive again and I can choose to be bitter about the “unfairness” of it, or I can be happy with someone who I deeply care for. I must stress that he never stopped loving me and being loving towards me and he is also very protective of me. My core friendships will also survive weight loss and my family will adapt to it. I’m no longer fearful of how my relationships will change – another obstacle removed.

  16. Mary Ellen Quigley says:

    I am noticing a difference in my relationships with friends. They don’t understand why I schedule time to exercise or why I don’t want to go to certain restaurants with them anymore. Even my sister sort of thinks I have changed too. She says my outlook on life is overly positive. So far, I have been able to keep from losing the relationships. I don’t really feel like my personality has changed, just my habits. At the end of the day it will come down to how others handle my change and whether I want to work hard on keeping my side of the friendship. We’ll see what happens.

  17. Dr. J says:

    I think relationships are so complicated, and there are so many factors involved with success or failure that each one has its own unique story. With at least half of marriages ending in divorce what can we say?

  18. Sagan says:

    This very issue is what caused me to REGAIN weight after I lost it. I got so tired with dealing with all the “teasing”… a lot of friends and family weren’t supportive of my efforts, or else they would belittle my accomplishments by saying “oh, it was so easy for you to lose weight – but I just can’t; it’s so much harder than it was for you.”

    And then, I think largely because of all of those comments, I regained the weight and then some. So now I’m back at it to lose the weight – but I still haven’t figured out what I’ll do if people start making comments again. It’s really tough to deal with!

    • Janis says:

      ” … but I still haven’t figured out what I’ll do if people start making comments again.”

      Tell them to eff off. I’m serious.

      “It’s easier for you!”

      “It only looked easy to you because you weren’t the one doing it.”

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      I’m sorry people were like that to you Sagan. I had a lot of positive comments with my weight loss but quite a few negative ones as well. I’d just encourage you to remember that you are losing weight for yourself and to put those negative comments out of your mind as soon as they come to you.

  19. Gigi says:

    I think a lot of it has to do with envy – people see how you’re making a better life for yourself and they’re not. Sadly, some folks can’t feel good about themselves unless they’re making someone else feel bad.

  20. Lisa says:

    I was single when I first started my weight loss journey. I did have some bumps in the road, though. I started dating someone after losing about 60 pounds and he was NOT supportive. In fact he tried to sabotage my efforts. I ended that relationship pretty quickly. I also lost a few friends in losing the weight, which hurt a lot, but I realized they must not have been real friends. It’s hard making a huge life change like that! My personality changed quite a bit when I lost 100 pounds.

  21. Cindy says:

    Losing a lot of weight and feeling more confident, happy, etc. = SUCCESS. It’s quite analogous to getting a better job or starting a new career, etc and becoming successful, happy and rich. The obvious difference is that the ‘rich’ and ‘success’ with weight loss is not valued in $$$. To me, it’s even worse if you are happy, confident and successful and there is no $$$ involved. You’re the biggest jealousy magnet around.
    The most that one can do is be mindful of others, don’t boast or brag and don’t try to push your new lifestyle onto others. Speaking from one who has been on both ends, the one thing that has always driven me away from friends who are losing or who have lost is their incessant nagging –
    ‘Oh man, if you would only just start exercising, you would feel so much better!! No S**T?! Really?
    ‘WW (or other program) is the best out there. Why don’t you come to a meeting with me tomorrow?’
    ‘You know, once you put your mind to it…””’
    Blah, blah, blah. You get the point. It’s like two good friends who have just chosen the opposite sides of the fork in the road and one friend is desperately trying to get the other to change their mind.
    All I’m saying is it works both ways and don’t necessarily assume that it’s all one person or the other.

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      I agree completely. There are always two sides in any relationship. I know a guy who just went through a divorce (not weight-related) and he insisted the whole thing was his ex-wife’s fault. My hubby and I always said to ourselves after he left, “It is rarely always just the fault of one person and we do not know her side.”

  22. Leah says:

    Diane, let me preface this by saying I don’t see you as being the type of person I’m going to describe, but I have seen it in other bloggers. I haven’t read the other comments, but I might be playing devil’s advocate with my comment.

    While I understand and even admire people who refuse to eat off their weight loss/healthiness plan , one trend I’ve seen is where people get so focused on their health they inadvertently push their friends/family away every time they say, “No.”. I personally wouldn’t be offended by a friend who is choosing to eat healthier, but I’ve heard people who are losing weight/eating cleaner/healthier get very snotty with their comments about their new lifestyle and I’m not surprised when their spouse or friends don’t want to be around them anymore.

    I think marriages should try and work through this as it falls under “for better or worse”; it takes some understanding and compromise to work through a struggle like this. However, friendships don’t always have that tight of a bond and some people would rather stick around those who won’t push healthy choices on them in a way that makes them feel less of a person for being overweight or eating unhealthily.

    Not to belabor the point, but I also have heard of people who got healthier and left their spouses because they felt new and better and wanted something “newer” in their life. I’m always amazed because the spouse they left stayed by them when they were overweight, but they are no longer good enough for them when they become thin.

    It’s definitely not easy to find the balance between standing for good choices and not becoming overbearing with it. I’m amazed your friends teased you for working on your weight, but that’s another comment for another day. 🙂

    • Janis says:

      I’m not sure it falls entirely under “for better or for worse.” A lot of people think of external stuff when they think of that. Stay together if we win the lottery, and stay together if the house gets flooded. The idea of staying together for better, for worse, and for different is harder to get a grip on.

      And I can see what Robbie-Lynn said above as well — sometimes a person’s expectations change in a healthy way when they start to feel better about themselves. “He such a wonderful person because he didn’t walk out on disgusting me,” isn’t enough when the person’s self-image changes, they come out of their funk, stop seeing themselves as disgusting whatever their weight, and start to want more for a partner than someone who will just show up. It’s complicated, even to me, and I’m coming from the other side of being extremely vigilant of being used as arm candy. I’ve done the opposite of walking away from rich men who wanted something to show off since those guys tend to just dump you when you turn 50.

      • Diane Carbonell says:

        These are good points Janis. It is a very complex situation. The path to weight loss can be strewed with unexpected fall-out and unexpected feelings about ourselves and our spouses once we reach a healthy weight. I’ve known people who realized that their relationship with their spouse was in large part based on the “thinner” spouse enjoying “enabling” or “taking care of” the heavier spouse. When the spouse lost weight the basis for the relationship seemed to vanish, and often the relationship ended.

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      Leah, I see what you are saying. I was never a “holier than thou” type of dieting person. Instead I just said a polite “no.” My friends teased me because of their own insecurities, at least that’s my assumption. They felt off-balance by the “new Diane” because I was so different than I had been in the past.

      As far as the spouse/marriage situation goes, there are often so many other factors involved that I wonder if the weight loss was the obvious reason but there were many other issues in the marriage before the weight loss occurred. You know what I’m saying? For example, I knew of a couple where the husband was controlling and dominated the overweight spouse. When she lost weight that behavior continued but she saw herself differently and realized he did not have the right to treat her like that. Even though they tried counseling, their marriage eventually ended. It was a very sad situation for their whole family.

  23. Taryl says:

    Our marriage is as good as ever, maybe better, since my losing weight. It was strong before and we were committed to solving the problems and stresses that had come up (and will continue to arise, such is life!). My husband and I love one another and our marriage is as much about serving and honoring God as it is about one another, which gives it a solid backbone for weathering change. Divorce isn’t in our vocabulary, it isn’t an option, and weight loss wouldn’t make it so. I can’t put my finger on why so many marriages fail after weight loss, but ours has remained the same because I think our hearts and goals are still the same – love one another as an act of service, maintain our commitment to a biblical marriage, have our covenant glorify God. Fat or thin, it has made zero difference.

  24. Denise says:

    I have lost about 55 lbs to date, and have about 18 to go. Hopefully, none of my friends would try to stop me from taking insulin if I had diabetes or keep me from going to chemo if I had cancer. Dr. Roisen (Dr Oz’s partner) once said that if a person is mildly obese they have the same life expectancy of someone who has cancer. CANCER, people! I would no more “go off my diet” than skip insulin or a chemo session. This fat thing is life or death! I don’t care who I “offend” by sticking to my plan! I am doing this so my husband has a wife and my kids have a mom for goodness sake!

  25. Jamie says:

    Ohhh, Diane. How glad I am to read this! I relish in relativity.
    Fortunately for me, my husband and I have been doing this together, and our relationship has gotten stronger because of it, but as for my friends…it’s amazing how many social situations revolve around food. It’s amazing how many times I’ve offended people, simply because of my food choices. Not because I said crass things, but because of the way my eating habits have changed. At the beginning of my journey, I never would have thought that my personal changes would have such an effect on other people. I feel like, it’s often because a) it makes other people feel guilty, and b) I’ve had to withdraw from a lot of things that I would have been happy to participate in before.
    It’s a sad truth. I am glad to say that I haven’t LOST any friendships…I’ve just lost a lot of closeness with some.

    (Also, I’ve seen you comment on my blog-Thank you! I’m always excited to see your response:) However, for some reason I get the notification emails, but the comments themselves never show up on my blog o_O I don’t know where your comments go! I have some investigating to do…)

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      You are so right that we can unintentionally offend people when we make choices that they do not expect from us or are different than their choices! It does make them feel guilty, which I have come to accept is their problem – not mine. That can sound harsh, but the truth is that we are getting healthy for ourselves and their feelings/insecurities about food are theirs alone.

  26. vickie says:

    I might have asked this before, and you might even have responded and I missed it: did you do a follow up post on what you gave up for Lent and how it impacted you and if you went back to it after Easter?

    • Diane Carbonell says:

      I did not do a follow-up post but I should have. I did stay true to doing without caffeine and I have continued that beyond Easter. I found that I slept better when I did not drink caffeinated teas or coffee. Now I did go through a day or two of headaches, but once they passed I was good. I’d give myself a “B” on the strength training three days a week. I probably averaged twice a week, which was better than I had done previously. All in all it was a good experience and I’m going to do it again next year. My daughter gave up Pinterest for Lent and said she got a lot more done when she wasn’t randomly looking around the Internet.

      • vickie says:

        it is not to late to do a post. Easter was 4/8 so you aren’t actually late if you do a post one month after the end of Lent to say what you did and what you have continued.

  27. Jodi @ Jodi, Fat or Not says:

    I loved this post! My friendships have DEFINITELY changed because of my weight loss. My friends were used to me being more than willing to go out to dinner, have ice cream in the middle of the day or just split a bottle of wine and obviously all of that had to change. Some have embraced my changes more readily than others. I also find that now that my focus is more on health and nutrition, I have less in common with a lot of my friends who don’t work out, or don’t think about food.

  28. Nicholas Collins says:

    I do not find any reason why people go far away from you. Yes maybe they are insecure. My advice to you is just be yourself. I am hoping that someday they will be happy with what you are right now.

  29. Siobhan says:

    I’m pretty much surrounded by normal weight people, so I’ve got lots of support. Unfortunately I’m my own biggest saboteur.

  30. Carla says:

    Fortunately my marriage has only gotten stronger since I’ve lost weight and improved my eating habits. I find that when I am not taking care of myself I tend to get depressed and have mood swings, which doesn’t help in any relationship! Everyone else – family and friends – have been very supportive of my food changes and my need for exercise. It was only certain co-workers who gave me a bit of a hard time with comments about what I was eating, or telling me that I was too skinny (which I’m not)!

  31. vickie says:

    On all the notes about comments from people on weight loss –
    in my opinion, we have to nip comments in the bud the first time it happens or people think the topic is okay.

    It is very much a boundary issue.

    My favorite example is the blogger who used to write about what a hard time her family gave her about running at 5am before work.

    How do they know she was running at 5am?

    Because she told them.

    She had even gripped about it.

    And then she allowed the feedback.

    Then every time they saw her, it was the main topic of interest.

    We don’t ALWAYS do it to ourselves, but many times we do by setting the habit/trend so it is the first thing that pops in people’s minds and then out their mouths when they see us.

  32. nan @ lbddiaries says:

    I am still losing weight but what surprised me was losing a friend in the before and during stages. She was tall and willowy when we met (and I was not as overweight). She would ALWAYS say, “Oh you look fine” no matter how awful I looked. I knew she was lying but never saw it for the wrongness it was. She gained weight during her divorce and jokingly said to me, “I used to think you were just lazy because you didn’t lose the weight but now I know how hard it is!”

    She wasn’t saying she was sorry for judging me but that she was surprised how much trouble she had losing the weight (she did). I finally had to face that she was not FOR me but was against me. When I was losing weight she’d act like I was doing something wrong. My husband finally pointed out to me that she was not happy for me as I worked to lose the weight. She was superior as long as I was overweight.

    Nothing was able to save this friendship because I finally realzied she’d been this way from the very beginning, saying those little comments that “sounded” nice but were actually not. Like you said, it is important who you surround yourself with.

  33. Al says:

    My wife recently had gastric bypass surgery as the main intent for the cure of diabetes. She is now cured, although the “side effect” is weight lost. She has lost almost 100 pounds. I married her when she was large because that is what I was attracted to. I was the only man that made her feel good at her weight. She chose the surgery for the diabetes cure and not weight loss. I love my wife for the person that she is and am in no way thinking of leaving her. However, we are currently struggling with intimacy as I do not find her body as attractive as before. I really want to find a way to find her attractive in her new body.

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